often times i catch myself say this. never really talk about my love life. not because there's anything to hide, but because there isn't much to say. sometimes people think that means something must have happened — a heartbreak, a fear, a story. but there isn't one. i just don't feel the need to date right now. i don't feel urgency. i don't feel curiosity. i feel fine.

it's strange how ''feeling fine'' isn't considered a real answer. people want a reason, and if you don't give one, they search for one in your silence. maybe they assume i'm afraid of intimacy, or not over someone, or waiting for the right person. but it's simpler than that. i like my life the way it is. i don't feel incomplete.

lately i've been thinking about how dating takes energy — real energy. not just planning and messaging. but the kind where you have to stay available. where you let someone into your everyday thoughts, your moods, your inconsistencies. i don't think i am ready for that kind of presence again. i'm still figuring out how to show up for myself consistently. i don't want to offer someone something unstable and call it closeness.

when people talk about romance, they often use words like spark, tension, chase. but when people talk about connection — real connection — they use words like patience, timing, safety. i think i might be someone who needs the second kind, not the first. i don't want to be swept into attention. i'd rather grow into understanding. that takes more time than people usually allow nowadays.

sometimes i wonder if i'll change my mind later. maybe something will shift. maybe someone will make it feel easy. but i don't want to look for love just because my surroundings expect it or have it themselves. i don't want to fill silence just because people think it should be filled. i'm comfortable in the space i have right now. silence doesn't scare me. expectations does.

i don't think I'm avoiding anything. i'm just learning how to be present for myself first. not in a self-care way — more in a practical way. showing up. keeping promises. taking responsibility. building habits. i don't need a relationship right now to feel real. i need more time with myself to understand how i actually live.

i think part of it is that i actually like myself.

more than anyone else, maybe.

i don't mean that in an ego way — it's just that I feel good on my own. i trust myself. i know how to take good care of myself. my space. other people. and when i hear other people's stories about dating — the miscommunication, the pressure, the emotional mess — it doesn't make me curious again.

at all.

i don't want to negotiate my sanity just to say I'm in something. if being with someone means losing the peace i already have. i don't see the point.

my life isn't paused until a relationship begins. i already have people who make me feel seen and loved and that counts for something. maybe it counts for everything. when i hear stories that start with intensity or sudden change, i get the sense that i'm supposed to want that too. but i don't. i don't need things to arrive in a big way to believe they're real. if anything, the slow kind of connection feels more trustworthy to me. the kind that grows without announcement.

my friends already give me moments like that. i love their romance.

there is nothing to report. i feel fine.