lately I've been thinking about how influence works between people. not in the big ways, but in the small ones — the way someone picks up a phrase you say often, or starts liking the things you like after hearing you talk about them. it happens quietly. sometimes it's natural, sometimes it feels rehearsed. studied.

with my friend, everything grew slowly. we didn't try to make anything a personality or a lifestyle. our interests shifted together, our thoughts changed, and somehow we carried those changes together. it never felt like performance —just a gradual understanding. I think that's why it felt real.

but when someone else tries to step into that space quickly, it doesn't feel the same. it's like they're collecting ideas rather than feeling them. packaging things they haven't lived yet. there's nothing dramatic about it — just a kind of discomfort. like a conversation that isn't breathing naturally.

sometimes it feels like people don't just share things anymore — they want to sell a lifestyle. I think a lot of us are tired of that.

my friend and I noticed this happening and talked about it. about how certain people study reactions instead of having their own. how they mirror instructs in as a way in. it's subtle, but once you see it, you can't unsee it. it's not even that we feel protective — we're just curious about what makes something genuine. we're starting to notice the difference between wanting connection and wanting access.

access.

I wouldn't say I feel threatened. it's more complicated. I think it makes me wonder about identity — especially when I'm still figuring mine out. when someone mirrors things I haven't fully claimed yet, it almost feels like my uncertainties are on display. like they're copying things I'm not even confident or think about. it doesn't make me angry — it just makes me question what I stand for even more.

it's not imitation. it's more like watching someone try to reverse-engineer a connection by repeating the patterns of one. but patterns aren't the same as meaning. that's the gap I keep noticing. there's a difference between liking something and performing it.

maybe that's what this really comes down to: authenticity isn't proved by interest — it shows up in timing. you can tell when someone is moving with intention, versus someone is following a map they think will lead to them belonging.

sometimes the safest moments are the quiet ones. not deep talks, not big advice — just being in the same space without needing to perform a certain aesthetic. like sitting next to each other while doing separate things, but somehow feeling more connected than in any group conversation. no pressure to be interesting. no need to update or impress.

there was a day my friend and I sat together in the park and the conversation flowed very naturally with pauses. we weren't upset or anything — it was just comfortable silence. phones in hand, snacks we had gotten at a bakery, no need to feel the air. that kind of moment makes me feel understood more than any long conversation about identity ever could. I wish that for everyone.

I think that's when I realised that real connection doesn't require constant performance or proof. it doesn't need to be pleasing to the eye. it doesn't speed up or force itself forward. it just exists, even when noticing's happening. especially when nothing's happening.

it is super rare. it makes me wonder if that is the reason why people want to be perceived as 'cool', or 'interesting'.

I don't think anyone is trying to do harm. maybe imitation is what people do when they're still looking for their own shape. I've been there too. maybe I'm still there, sometimes. but the older I get, the more I realise that copying a person doesn't bring you closer to them. it just makes you a little further from yourself. for me, real connection isn't about sharing the same taste in things. it's about feeling safe enough to admit when you don't know who you are yet. I'm still learning that. my friend is too. maybe that's why out friendship works so well — nothing has to be proven. nothing has to be packaged. we don't study each other. we just listen. and experience life together.

and maybe that's what people really want — not a lifestyle to copy, but space to figure out who they actually are, without being observed the whole time.

some friendships only work when no one is trying to earn them.