Yesterday morning - Sunday scaries have morphed into the pure horror of waking up before early in the wee hours of a Monday's dawn.

Ignoring the splitting reverberations of my alarm, I lay my lazy head to rest for a final snooze.

Tossing and turning in the throes of fleeting slumber, I am met with a dream all too true to my impending reality. Laptop open, zoom call commenced, my corporate superstar VP staring sanitarily back at me across the screen.

"Egad!" I exclaim. Why am I shirtless?

I lay leisurely on my side, chest hair and belly rolls on display for all to admire.

Expeditiously, I must act to cover my miscalculation. I whip out a footlong soft pretzel and eagerly cram it down my gullet.

"I was just grabbing breakfast, my lord. I must remain fueled for a week of maniacal servitude"

My screen twists and lurches into a vortex of colors and pixels, indecipherable to the panicked, half nude mind. The "leave" button contorts and darts about my screen like a frightened hare through an overgrown lawn.

A cacophony of voices drone on from my machine as colleagues flood in, drawing entertainment from my pale, crumb-covered body.

Slamming my computer shut, I awake at 9:15