ICYMI: this is not the first time bry has stood up on his chair to show me his outfit... after he tells me his shorts are Rick Owens... he gets down safely. I show him a pair of secondhand Pleats Please pants and he authenticates them through the screen.

"yeah, those are legit"

bry and I have known of each other for years. we live alongside each other in the same city with mutual friends, walk into the same events and view each other's stories time and time again.

he has a unapologetic and authentic way of connecting with people, whether it's through something specific like a piece of ~~~ archive clothing, a nostalgic song from childhood or just asking you something about yourself.

the thing that really sets bry apart, other than his ability to pull off saint laurent skinny jeans, is that he's not afraid to share what's on his mind. the first time we connected on a call (to talk about River of course) he totally checked me.

"maybe now we can say hi when we see each other at the function"

putting yourself out there or whatever that means, isn't always as easy as it might seem. the pre- and post- pulling up to the function thoughts and feelings are real. perceiving and being perceived... i want to show up in the way that i intend. i hope i can find connection and meaning.

bry: the world kind of runs off of vibe checks. and everyone wants to be liked by everyone or at least, we all desire community.

I understand everyone is kind of guarded but it's important to get over the fear of potentially being hurt or potentially not connecting with someone. it's still good to try it. now we say hi to each other all the time and we've even had a whole dinner!

it's nice that bry is a) forgiving... i've probably been a b*tch and not said hello one too many times

and b) he's able to realize that it sucks not being able to connect with people, but he keeps trying

it's a behaviour you have to nourish. there's the guy that stands in the corner thinking "no one at this party knows i'm wearing maison margiela" but there's also the guy who's connecting with people and telling them all about his outfit.

bry: I'm not a huge risk taker in a lot of things... I mean, I have a 9-5 that gives me routine and structure, a sense of orderliness.

I think it's nice for me to get out of that when I'm in a social setting and have this mentality of hey, what's the worst that could happen? they get icked out by me? they get cringed out by me?

I'm already like that online anyways. I've shared my Instagram with enough people that they have a perception of me... oh this guy's an aura farmer.

They meet me in person and I'm totally different from that. I like living in between that space.

I was in a band group for a while - almost six or seven years. we put out an album last year and i needed space to figure out my own self. there was a lot of change going on in the world and I was just trying to figure out how to put myself back together.

all the new music I've been doing has been me trying to reinterpret a lot of the music that I grew up with. but from a very specific time. it kind of feels like everything lined up at the perfect moment.

a lot of it is informed by me loving Justin Bieber and loving pop music. i want to make music that feels almost lower stakes or feels more just like a free flow of information and ideas rather than I need a beat change here and I need to like push the envelope in some way.

ballad soldier kind of started as a joke with Dom, who's my stylist. we were just riffing off random stuff and then he texted me something along the lines of "Oh, call me a ballad soldier." I was like that's cool. I'm going to like take that idea and just run with it.

I think that what I'm doing is cool. And if other people think that it's cool and they see that, like then they rock with me, right?

I don't want to be embarrassed for being myself and I don't want to apologize and hide away parts of myself for the acceptance of others. And that's kind of how I want to redefine or redefine what being "cringe" is.

if you don't know who you are yet... keep doing things. try new things. be in a band for 6 years and decide to go solo. wear rick owens platform boots to your 9 to 5 in biotech, because you can?! say hi to everyone at the function that you follow online. drop a pop album and dream to play in a huge stadium.
 

I'm very intentional about the things I do, because I have bigger goals. I want to play bigger festivals. I want to build community.

I want to create a world, whether it's through music or through niche social media platforms where people feel like they can understand me.

I want to reach as many people as I can.

but the way I maintain all the stress or all the complications that could come up by being present in the process of it all. worst case scenario, the things that I aspire to do don't turn out in the way that they that I envisioned them to.

knowing that I got to this place because I had people that helped me along the way. experiencing things like having a stylist to style me or someone directing a music video. being in the type of space where I'm able to understand other people's visions and they're able to understand mine.

intuition is something you should trust but it's something that you develop. actualization becomes realization and realization leads to actualization. in other words, everything you do, from the little things you like or dislike, to people you connect with, to the things you say yes to, the things you say f**k no to - it's all connected.

you build a place of your own: a lot of it goes back to intuition and trusting yourself. but it's also thinking about yourself and what feels right for you.

everyone has a complex range of references from their life. it's about looking back and pulling from the things that have influenced you the most and that makes up you.

that's your world that you're building.