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now i’ve ended things, i should take responsibility
(note to self)
@55555sx · January 12, 2026
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I ended things.

I was the one who ended it, but it felt like I was the one being dumped. This long-term relationship had been nurtured over the years, slowly becoming something that felt like a part of me. Yet I knew it was time to let go — before feelings turn bitter.

The moment the words left my mouth, a wave of anxiety rushed in, as if I had made a huge mistake. The air felt heavy, tense. I honestly felt like crying.

An end of an era.

Almost ten years of my life, and now I am letting it go. No ties left to keep me there anymore. I can finally choose myself without feeling guilty. It feels strange — unreal — how something that lasted so long can feel so fleeting, as if time slipped quietly through my hands.

I’ve noticed that I tend to stay in one place for a long time. I don’t easily commit myself to things I know won’t last. Maybe that’s why I stayed for so long — not because I consciously chose to, but because leaving was never something I truly considered.

After eight years, I slowly began to feel stuck. Stuck in a loop of nothingness. What once felt comforting started to feel suffocating. Before I fully realized it, my attitude had changed. My emotions felt distant, and I kept asking myself why I was still holding on. Deep down, I knew the time had come.

I didn’t want this relationship to become a memory I would speak about with resentment. I wanted to leave while there was still warmth. It has been so long that I can barely remember the first few years, but I went from my teenage years into my twenties. I’ve grown a lot during this time, and I finally feel ready to begin something new.

Some people called it my second home. And for me, it was — at least most of the time. Still, I found myself questioning this strange bond. What did it mean for them? Eight years isn’t something you simply overlook or take for granted.

I was asked what I was planning to do next. To be utterly honest, I have nothing planned at all. I just knew I had to end things before things go sour. Sometimes, you have to give something up for something new to happen — to make room, time, and energy. I knew that this year, I had to change, and staying in one place for too long wouldn’t help me grow. I mustered up my courage and finally put an end to it.


Thank you for all these years. Please be kind to me.

Milou


remembrance of things past:


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1. at the entrance, this flowerpot with real flowers, which have lived for years, seems to go unnoticed by most customers.

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2. multiple memories of this space—mostly used for bigger groups, usually the local football teams. they didn’t care what food they had; as long as there was beer, that was enough. sometimes the families were so big and so loud that i couldn’t get anyone’s attention with my small voice. other times, the room was so awkwardly silent that when one of us entered, all i could hear was teresa blasting from the speaker. i sometimes called this space the “fishbowl.”

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3. every sunday, before it started to get busy, i cleaned the mirror and the glasses. in all these years, nothing has changed.
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4. calm before the storm: long periods with almost no customers, but whenever you thought it would be a quiet evening, people suddenly started to com
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5. the real fishbowl. the aquarium at the entrance contains fish that are as old as the restaurant itself. it is mostly entertaining for children who need to stay engaged—even kids who come in just to pick up takeaway always greet the fish.
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6. candies given at the end of dinner, offering a sweet finish—now seemingly the main attraction.