I ended things.
I was the one who ended it, but it felt like I was the one being dumped. This long-term relationship had been nurtured over the years, slowly becoming something that felt like a part of me. Yet I knew it was time to let go — before feelings turn bitter.
The moment the words left my mouth, a wave of anxiety rushed in, as if I had made a huge mistake. The air felt heavy, tense. I honestly felt like crying.
An end of an era.
Almost ten years of my life, and now I am letting it go. No ties left to keep me there anymore. I can finally choose myself without feeling guilty. It feels strange — unreal — how something that lasted so long can feel so fleeting, as if time slipped quietly through my hands.
I’ve noticed that I tend to stay in one place for a long time. I don’t easily commit myself to things I know won’t last. Maybe that’s why I stayed for so long — not because I consciously chose to, but because leaving was never something I truly considered.
After eight years, I slowly began to feel stuck. Stuck in a loop of nothingness. What once felt comforting started to feel suffocating. Before I fully realized it, my attitude had changed. My emotions felt distant, and I kept asking myself why I was still holding on. Deep down, I knew the time had come.
I didn’t want this relationship to become a memory I would speak about with resentment. I wanted to leave while there was still warmth. It has been so long that I can barely remember the first few years, but I went from my teenage years into my twenties. I’ve grown a lot during this time, and I finally feel ready to begin something new.
Some people called it my second home. And for me, it was — at least most of the time. Still, I found myself questioning this strange bond. What did it mean for them? Eight years isn’t something you simply overlook or take for granted.
I was asked what I was planning to do next. To be utterly honest, I have nothing planned at all. I just knew I had to end things before things go sour. Sometimes, you have to give something up for something new to happen — to make room, time, and energy. I knew that this year, I had to change, and staying in one place for too long wouldn’t help me grow. I mustered up my courage and finally put an end to it.
Thank you for all these years. Please be kind to me.
Milou
remembrance of things past: